long live the queen...

ode to a hotdog...

2011-10-15T22:09:00.002-05:00

little pick-pocket, sneak thief, purse snatcher...

2011-09-15T23:14:00.000-05:00

breathable

2011-09-07T21:35:00.000-05:00

The weather has not been a blazing 110 degrees, so we have enjoyed venturing out for a wagon ride...
(big sigh of relief)
wanting to freeze time right now with these little beauties.

blazin saddles

2011-07-13T16:14:00.002-05:00

If you live in Texas.
And it's 104* outside.
And your in the car, you most definitely should not ignore the low level fuel warning.
And if you do ignore it, don't have your kids in the car with you (asyourracinghometogetthemdownforanap).

I.
Am.
An.
Idiot.

Praise God we were 3 blocks from home!!!

true story: here kitty, kitty

2011-06-29T23:56:00.001-05:00

A family decides to get a cat.
After weeks of searching, they find an ad with TWO adorable kittens (brother & sister) needing adoption. The family decides not to separate them, even though their original plan was to get a female, and they bring home both.
The gray striped kitten they name Elvis.
The female kitten that is black with chocolate tips is named Elvira.
The family is happy with their selection. All is splendid.
Approximately EIGHT weeks later the kittens are taken to be spayed/neutered, have nails trimmed, rabies shot administered, and micro- chips implanted.
A call from the clinic after procedures are carried out goes a little something like this:
"Good news is your cats are out of surgery and everything went great.... (long pause) The bad news is that Elvira IS A MALE. So you have two male cats. You can come get them after one today. Thank you!"

"You're not God, so..."

2011-06-18T21:45:00.002-05:00

Snapshot of earlier today, so sweet and ever so excited to wear a wedding gown. Because, "I've never worn a wedding gown before!!!!" "How do you walk?" "O! Can I wear you're veil?" "I've never worn a wedding veil before!!!" "I need some shoes..." "How does this stay on?"

Three came sixteen days ago... The laughter hasn't ceased... Here's a glimpse at bedtime tonight:

Background info: After flinging Elvis (one of our new kitties) off her bed, her punishment was taking away the newly acquired Rapunzel and Flynn Ryder dolls she was planning on sleeping with. Lots of crying ensued along with a "talk"...

Mommy: When you're upset, you can talk to God...
Jeorgia: (sniffling) okay
Mommy: Dear God, my heart is really sad right now
Jeorgia: Dear God, my heart is really sad right now
Mommy: Thank you for forgiveness...
Jeorgia: Thank you for forgiveness...
Mommy: and that tomorrow is a new day...
Jeorgia: and that tomorrow is a new day...
Mommy: and we can try again.
Jeorgia: and we can try again.
Mommy: God says do you love your kitty?
Jeorgia: Yes
Mommy: and you love your mommy and daddy and baby sister?
Jeorgia: Yes
Mommy: God says we don't hurt people and things we love. We take care of them...
(interrupts with a hand in mid-air motioning "stop" and the other gently touching my cheek)
Jeorgia: Mom, you're not God, so don't talk.

By all means, take 'em off

2011-05-29T21:41:00.006-05:00

Swim lessons are starting soon for Miss J.

Out and about running errands we pick up a couple of suits for her because she's grown over 4 inches since last summer...

We are home later than Greenleigh would like for us to be and I'm trying to hurry to get her ready for bed. During this time Jeorgia decides she wants a quick fashion show to model her new suits...

I holler down the hall to Blake, "Just make sure she leaves her panties on..."

(Looooooong pause) "Huh????" he says.

<<<<<INTERRUPTION>>>>>

Ladies, you've seen this sign right?

Well, I've not ever< in my whole life< NOT seen this sign in a fitting room... so it's engraved in my brain.

<<<<<Back to the story>>>>>

Me: I said, 'Just make sure her panties are on if she's going to try on her swimsuits.'

B, confused: WHAT????

Me: I don't know if people have their toddlers try on suits at the store... You're supposed to leave your underwear on if you try them on....... I wanna make sure it fits.... and then wash it first BEFORE she wears it.....

B, even more confused (but I hear him ripping tags of the suits): WHAT? Why????? BECAUSE TODDLERS HAVE PUBIC HAIR...???? AND...... CRABS????

Me: (silence. Looooong pause. Burst into laughter.)

B: That's absolutely ridiculous. Well Jeorgia DOESN'T have either. And the suits are FIIIIIIIINE.

Needless to say, moments later, Jeorgia was struttin' her stuff down the hallway, modeling her new suits.

seven months of roly-poly

2011-04-20T00:00:00.000-05:00

nearly three...

2011-04-19T21:02:00.001-05:00

and always saying something to make me laugh...
Leaving for a indoor play place I told her she needed to put some shorts on under her dress so no one would see her panties. She complied and was running around excitedly. I told her to come back and get some socks on. She replied, "Oh, so no one will see my toes?"

Picture below:
Daddy took her to the Coliseum and they watched the cutting horses, she had a lot of fun and did some "window" shopping. Great taste!

demanding sustenance...

2011-03-30T23:07:00.002-05:00

but I think I tamed her plea with Cheerios

And so it begins...

2011-03-30T22:40:00.004-05:00

Putting jeorgie to bed a few nights ago:

After reading books, saying prayers, filling requests for a story,water, kisses, more kisses etc, etc, etc...

Me: ALRIGHT! Goodnight! I love you.
J: You fodot to div me a hug!

(hug)

J: Momma, will you sing me one song?
Me: ONE!

(sing song)

J: Momma, will you sing me annover song?

Me: Nope! I said ONE.
J: Daddy sings me two...

on another note, greenleigh snuggles with jeorgia when she wakes

from her nap...

five months!

2011-02-14T13:01:00.000-06:00

My sweet little baby is growing up too fast! Yesterday she marked the calendar at FIVE months old. And celebrated a tad bit early (last tuesday) with a milestone: first tooth!
(sigh)

priceless

2011-02-02T13:01:00.000-06:00

I left jeorgia and greenleigh playing on my bed this morning alone for a minute. I returned to hear greenleigh laughing and could only capture a portion of it. So sweet!

no caption needed

2011-02-01T02:25:00.000-06:00

I didn't tip her...

2011-01-19T20:02:00.001-06:00

BUT I will be going back.
(Not bad for 2 & 1/2 yrs old.)
If anything, she gives quite a speedy manicure and the gossip is VERY juicy!

last pic of twenty ten...

2011-01-01T00:47:00.000-06:00

My sweet, sweet, wonderful blessings. What a great year.

bedtime buddies

2010-12-21T06:12:00.000-06:00

joy to the world

2010-12-21T05:14:00.000-06:00

There's nothin better than a sweet little baby at Christmas...

for "mommom"

2010-12-09T21:29:00.000-06:00

eat, sleep and breathe princesses (really really)

2010-12-03T21:44:00.001-06:00

Grocery shopping:
I turn my back, take 5 steps to the touch screen scale, print my barcode and return to find this.

Jeorgia, what are you doing????!!!!
I'm pe-tendin dat dis is my poison apple mom.

dinner with friends

2010-11-30T14:09:00.002-06:00

Ugh.
Whoever showed her that the clothes on her "princess" dolls come off, deserves a good swift kick in the pants. (You know who you are!) But now it's not enough for the girls to trade clothes. I'm told they "need" to be naked. Throw a prince in the mix (who, mind you, has no trace of those invisible etched underwear) and then talk of a "naked wedding..." and it all gets very interesting.

But I am hopeful, among all their adventures she does make them all go to church. However, I have yet to hear a sermon...

highly suspect

2010-11-24T13:27:00.002-06:00

Hmm... Sincere embrace? Or does she sense I've yet to pick out her Christmas gift....

free dog to good home...

2010-11-14T12:59:00.000-06:00

just in time for Christmas. :)

false advertising

2010-11-13T21:03:00.000-06:00

Baby socks that apparently don't fit a "baby"...

or maybe just my baby.

bittersweet

2010-11-11T20:53:00.000-06:00

Greenleigh's a little over eight weeks now and has been giving us pretty good bouts of sleep through the night. So I decided to reclaim my room! No more changing pad, diapers, wipes, socks, onsies, hats, burp cloths, ointments, bulb syringe, or saline drops on my dresser.
But there's also no sweet little baby within arms reach. Out of the bassinet and into her crib she slept for the first time Wednesday night. I can still check on her from the video monitor but I am a little sad.
Guess that means maybe we'll do this again in two years?!?! (gulp)
Not ready for THAT talk just yet.

"Dis is my best pukin I ever seen!"

2010-10-22T21:18:00.002-05:00

So excited! Carved her first pumpkin tonight... She picked a kitty cat.

"Meat hooks"

2010-10-19T15:15:00.000-05:00

Love!

2010-10-13T15:24:00.000-05:00

I'm in love with this little lady!
She's a month old today and weighed in at 13 pounds 4 oz and 23 inches at her checkup!
Praising God for healthy kids! :)

Rif Ram!

2010-10-09T19:53:00.001-05:00

She went to see the Horned Frogs play today with daddy:

Wore her TCU cheerleader digs, complete with pig tails and bows;
Enjoyed a corn dog & lemonade;
Got to join daddy on the field for Athletic Trainer alumni recognition;
Had a bit of a fall off the bleachers biting her tongue and scraping her chin, arm and knee;
Completely passed out on daddy's shoulder walking back to the car.

She said she had fun!
I do believe she did.

Just a spoon full of sugar...

2010-09-24T18:30:00.001-05:00

Jeorgia is loving Mary Poppins these days. Which is why I can't stop laughing when Blake decided to add a little sugar to his strawberries.

I say next time don't take the "short-cut' and dispense from the sugar bowl BUT use a spoon!

That JUST happened...

2010-09-24T08:15:00.000-05:00

Greenleigh takes the word "poop-shoot" literally...

Tell the truth

2010-09-19T23:19:00.005-05:00

So much to talk (blog) about.... But hey I got a six day old & a two year old so it'll have to wait :)
For now just a jeorgia story so I don't forget:

Guess we've been too persistent about "telling the truth" when it comes to going potty. (Because she has figured out that she can stall a nap or bedtime by declaring she has to go to the bathroom.)

After bath time the three of us girls are in J's room, trying to settle down for the evening. Jeorgia carefully leans over and rubs Greenleigh's little velvet head and sweetly smiles at her saying, "Awwwww."

I say to the baby, "O Greenleigh, Jeorgia says 'I loves you!' That's soooo sweet!"

Jeorgia, disgusted at my outright lie, scowls and says, "I no say that! I didn't say 'I love you.' I JUST put my hand on her head! I just touched her little head with my hand, like this. I NO say that mommy. I didn't say I love you to her."

I reply with, "Oh."

Dear Dod

2010-08-20T00:21:00.002-05:00

J melts my heart.
Sure, I'm hormonal... But what a treasure she is to me.
Tonite at bed time:
I say, "It's prayer time."
She kneels beside her bed, "O you not gonna say you prayers?"
"Mommy will say my prayers after you. You can go first."
"Dear Dod. Dear Dod. Thank you for my famyee... thank you for healing my body... He lives in my heart because I love Him. Amen."

Big baby...

2010-07-05T14:31:00.003-05:00

Left Jeorgia downstairs playing when I went upstairs to bring down the laundry...

"Jeorgia, don't get in that babydoll bed... you're toooo big, okay?"

"Ok momma."

Lugging everything down, before I see her, I hear, "I'm NOT too big momma, I'm not."

See? She's not.

Strike THREE! YOU'RE OUTTA HERE...

2010-06-11T23:08:00.003-05:00

So, I'm preggers. Not due until September. September 13th actually. Yes, I am aware it's June.

Took jeorgie to a doctors appointment and upon LEAVING the office manager says, "Oh, you're pregnant again! I guess I didn't see that when you came in."

I say, "Yeah. Due in September. We are excited... and we're having another girl!" I'm thinking I'm beating her to the punch when I add, "I know you have a son, but do you have any other children?" (Implying, "Hey, genius. If you've had a second kid, you know that you are more than likely to start showing a lot sooner and possibly a lot bigger.... so cut me some slack.")

And she says, "O yes! I have a daughter AND she's PREGNANT and DUE IN JULY and SHE'S NOT THAT BIG!" (STRIKE ONE)

My sweet husband interjects, "This her first baby?"

"Yes."

Blake follows with, "Yeah, that's usually how it is.... Actually Jaclyn wasn't showing till about 20 weeks and just seemed like it happened over night."

Office manager (with STRIKE NUMBER TWO) says, "Well, HOW SURE ARE YOU about the due date?"

Seriously, do you wanna get me talking about my menstrual cycle??????

And then of course, the kicker (STRIKE NUMBER THREE,) "Is there more than one in there????"

I'm smiling the whole time while little knives are flying through the air, stabbing her in the eyes...

Blake says, "Wow. If I said something like that, I'd be duckin'."

We left.

And then tonite at dinner...

"How much longer do you have?"

"September."

Then, as if this girl has swallowed a cow, her eyes literally bug out of her head and she doesn't say a word.

Good thing I don't have a complex...

I DO love being pregnant and when this little girl wiggles around inside of me, I just smile, cause it's worth bein' as big as a house. :)

On perhaps why drive-thru food is subpar

2010-05-26T23:46:00.006-05:00

This takes place at least two years ago, possibly longer, when I agreed to eat at one of B's favorite fast food places. Arby's. Not that I don't like it every now and then (I'm sure its horrible, like every other fast food) but I just don't LOVE it like Blake loves it. (And I was preggers so I wasn't "feelin" it.)

While ordering at the drive-thru:

Worker: "Can I take your order?"
Me: "Yeah, what's the difference between the Arby's Melt and the Beef'n Cheddar?" (I can't tell from looking at the photo menu.)
Worker: "Well the Arby's Melt is the #3 and the Beef'n Cheddar is the #5."
Me: long pause.................... silence....................I turn to look at Blake and..... laughter quickly ensues.

hey, hey, hey...

2010-05-25T21:58:00.004-05:00

so many posts left unwritten...

I'll just let you take a glimpse of what the latest happenings in our life have been (if you're out there still...)

first up, some examples of PREGNANCY BRAIN.

Accidentally locked J in the car. Granted she is a genius but I was quite pleased with how well the situation turned out. With a little help from the mother-of-the-year (yes! me) she was able to climb around the seats and push up and down on every button in the car, alas, unlocking the door herself, smiling the whole time.

I just washed our digital camera in the washing machine. B says it must have been dirty. Getting a replacement was not at the top of my priorities, until I remembered that little one has a birthday coming up in a week. And gee, I would of course want to document the occasion, as well as a need for a camera for the upcoming birth of our second child arriving in September. So while shopping, B proceeded to ask me every time I touched a camera, if this one is "waterproof." Funny guy.

next, CHILD EMBARRASSMENT.

Jeorgie likes to place her head right in between my legs (facing outward, thank gawd!) curling her little arms around my knees, while I tip-toe trying my best not to fall. She then exclaims that she is "carrying" me and boasts just how strong she is.

This of course was fine at home. Now she's started to do it in public.

last, NEW NEIGHBORS.

We have a really interesting family that has moved next door to us. Nice as can be. But really have no regard with how loud they are. I only mention this because it is their loudness that made me look out the back window to begin with. AND after the second peek, what I saw made me take an oath to never again look.

Do have to mention that these town homes are two stories and have a decent size backyard. Of which you can see up to two neighbors yards on each side of you from the upstairs master bedroom windows. My neighbors, apparently have NEVER looked out their back bedroom windows to take this into account, or at least one would think not.

First time we met the head of "The Harry Henderson's" on their move-in day, he was too cool; I mean it sincerely; dressed in a black straw cowboy hat, white t-shirt, black kilt, white tube socks and tennis shoes. We knew that was going to be a lot of fun living next door to: husband and wife (early 50's) & two daughters (very early 20's) & grand baby (less than a year old) & 2 small barking dogs.

And now "fun" has taken on a new meaning... I would say... "comical."

Outdoors there are: lots of slamming the back door, lots of smoking, lots of loud cell phone conversations, lots of the grand baby crying, lots of siblings fighting, lots of tweezing facial hair (wife & daughters; complete with large mirror) (I do find it interesting its the "beard" area of the face...) and finally... lots of underwear. Did you hear me??? LOTS OF UNDERWEAR! Only done by the husband and wife, and in the company of grown children, grown children's friends, grandchildren... pets... plants... lawn furniture...

If I knew better (which I do) I wouldn't... but you know I'm gonna...

I'll just give the excuse that "I'm pregnant."

Aren't pregnant supposed to get away with saying and doing things that are just....uncouth?

guess who did it?

2009-11-09T23:44:00.002-06:00

the culprit was still at the scene when i arrived...
and confessed, "I boke it."

Case closed.

sug-GLE

2009-11-05T22:41:00.003-06:00

sweet baby girl (i think i will always call her a baby) LOVES loves LOVES loves LOVES to snuggle. She grabs blankets ("bankit") and baby dolls and pillows and will flop her head down saying, "suggle. i suggle."
I caught this during a nap early in the summer and thought it was totally worth the risk of waking her up...

when money's tight...

2009-11-04T21:30:00.007-06:00

On a budget? Just stick to our family ways of entertaining and you won't be missing out on a thing.

This activity has multiple savings packed into one. Skip the park and the extra cost of gas... AND dad can forgo that gym membership... make your own swing at home...

amusement park rides....

you can even skip the costly circus by making your own flying trapeze routine...

(8-04-09)

happy birthday!!!!!

2009-11-04T21:17:00.003-06:00

whats that? the big first birthday was 5 months ago... hmmm?
who's NOT busy these days? so i wont even bother to give excuses...
i just can't believe how fast it goes bye (sigh)
so, in an attempt to catch up... i give you.... JUNE:

jeorgia observing the goods... as far as we know (and i'd like to keep it that way... so please don't tell us now grandparents) this is her first encounter with cake...

mmmmmm....

oh yeah, i can definitely swing this...

one of my favorite memories was after the party at dinner time... washing that little face and finding purple icing up her nose nearly three hours later.

my sweeties

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

2009-08-13T21:53:00.012-05:00

things are busy here, obviously with nearly a three month hiatus...

haven't managed to keep up with this as well as i would have liked, but hopefully, we'll be able to play catch up.

IF I was doing a good job of updates, I would have posted this shortly after July 28.

Bracelets are the thing right now.

And if you think I'm kidding, check it out, because this child could put Cyndi Lauper to shame with the amount of cheap bracelets she has dripping off her arms.

She, of course, doesn't seem to realize what the big deal is, as if to say "geez, what's moms problem?!" Other than the fact that she can't pick anything up or bend over for fear of a bracelet falling off... (this of course, makes my life simpler. scoffs) it is pretty amusing.

I am forever grateful that she is smart enough to have learned on her own accord how to put the bracelets ON.

And laughing all the while...

things to do today: invest in a photo printer

2009-05-20T15:33:00.007-05:00

O walmart, I believe we are at a cross-roads. I feel a decided remorse for you these days and my prior "love/hate" status with you is preeeeeetty much just hate.

I put off this errand, because of too much to do (who's not busy, right?) and ended up wanting to claw out my eyes while waiting to upload ONE (yes, that's right. One. 1!) picture in the stinkin' machine at the photo lab.
The "child" in front of me was in obvious indecision about which gang poses, sunglasses close-ups, and fake tattoo shots needed to be edited. And then spent another 5 minutes deciding how many of each said poses to print. O wait. Did I mention the shots of her in the bathroom with just her underwears on????!!!!!!(yes, I said underwears.)
And I guess now would be a good time to mention that her MOTHER was sitting alongside her - this 14 year old girl.
And just when I think I can't take it anymore... (!!!!!) she is now adding text to these kodak-award-winners. Most are tagged with "SEXAAAAY!"

Vomit.
I have nothing left to say.

apple of my eye

2009-04-13T21:54:00.008-05:00

O (sigh.)
my baby is getting too big.
Alas, this is bitter sweet.
today we painted fingers and toes. wish i could have grabbed the camera and taken a good shot, but i will take what i can get. (camera from my phone)

She has also learned what to do when i hold the camera (yes, even the camera from my cell) in her direction and say, "say CHEEEEEESE!"

Even when we're making funny faces in the mirror and she unexpectedly pukes on me... out comes the camera phone and there she is, ready with the "CHEEEEESE!"

man, i love this kid.

"don't turn around o-oh...."

2009-04-05T20:12:00.012-05:00

so lately this baby girl has been a lot faster than mommy is giving her credit for... (Obviously with the Lysol episode)

I thought I had just a second to turn around after getting items i needed out of the fridge...
No. Her new food love is blueberries. She managed to quietly pull them off the shelf and open the container by stepping on it. When I turned back around she was sitting and stuffing her face full of blueberries off the floor.

When I picked her up to put her in the highchair, she was very unhappy... and lost a sock in the process (it was proof of the container "stomping" and stained with blueberry juice.)

Another time I let her happily play (in her birthday suit) right before bedtime routine for two minutes in her room while I put clean crib sheets on her mattress (seriously, it was that fast)...

And at 2 minutes and 1 second, I heard grunting and found this...

Next, I was happily documenting something new - splashing in the bath tub - when she comes up with a "first" of her own...

And tonight, I got her ready for bed and left her room to get myself something to drink, i knew it was too quiet in there, but figured she was playing with her books (just like I left her) when I walked in to this...

i guess she wanted to do a little spring cleaning.

My new (unwanted) friend...

2009-03-30T21:49:00.008-05:00

I'm lacking in my blogging skillzzz posts but will try to be better in the future.
Here's a recent happening:

Monday, March 9th
J's 9 month check up fell on this day... I thought it rather interesting that upon our departure, the nurse handed us our usual paperwork along with a bright red sticker stapled to the corner: POISON CONTROL.
huh? As if any good self-respecting mother has ever had to call that number... I scoffed to myself while I watched my husband program it in his phone.

Tuesday, March 10th
While internetting during baby's morning nap, I thought I might as well store that number in my phone before I file that paperwork. Whatever.

Wednesday, March 11th
Followed bath routine before bedtime:
1) Sit J on lap while running bath water.
Hmmm she's too fidgety now so I'll set her down for a sec... just long enough to get the temperature right and clog the drain.
I didn't make it past step 1.
I heard it before I saw it.
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSKKKKKKKAAAAHHHHHHH!
huh? what the????
nice.

In one swift motion I grabbed that kid and saw that she not only sprayed her eyes, but managed to get up her nose and in her mouth. She was not screaming or crying, just a white face with red blotchy spots and two big blue eyes starring at me in shock. I practically drown her (no, wait, that comes later) while hanging her over the sink with one arm and splashing water all over her face with the other. That's when the crying took place. I must have grown an extra limb because I remember fumbling for the can of Lysol to see what else I needed to do... and then remembered that "stupid" number on my cell, looked it up and hit "dial."
As soon as I turned the water off at the sink she was so happy I wasn't doing the water torture anymore, that she is starts pulling my face in for some kisses. Over and over and over.
Well, wouldn't you know it? The nicest woman came on the phone, got my information and told me to take a 15-20 min shower with the baby, letting the water hit her on the top of the head and run down her face. That's where I'm sure Jeorgia was convinced I was trying to inflict harm on her. She was still giving me open mouth kisses in the shower.
Everything turned out perfectly fine. That sweet voiced, little woman from Poison Control even called back about an hour later to check on the situation... lovely gal that she is.
Looking back - I'm pretty sure those kisses were an attempt at an apology, with Jeorgia knowing she's not supposed to play with pink can. But hey, I'll be honest, I shouldn't have had it out. However, I'm a firm believer of teaching her the words "No" and "Don't touch" before I have to baby proof EVERYTHING. Come on, that spray is for guests, right?
So (sigh) I am thanking God that everything turned out alright. And I'm a little wiser to the placement of the Lysol can.

Thursday, March 12th
I don't think I can handle Toxic Shock Syndrome today.

So.... be careful little ears whacha hear...

2009-03-02T21:52:00.003-06:00

So the movie EDTV isn't exactly in my top 10... top 100 either, but there is a great little scene where Matthew McConaughey could be working out or dressing or something where his flexed torso is being revealed... (I could care less about this. Really. Not a fan.) but "America" is addicted to this show "EdTv" and in the scene a man is watching his wife, drooling over the tv, and attempts to block her view with his body. She of course, can't handle this... and is motioning with her hands for him to GET OUT OF THE WAY OF THE TV and DO IT NOW!!!! The husband puts his foot down and says something of the sorts, "That's it!!! Woman! I'm gonna make ya say my name tonite!"
toooo funny.

Well one time I may have been a little lippy and sassy with my loving husband and he pulled the reigns in by exclaiming, "WOMAN! I'm gonna make ya say my name tonite!!!"
Did I mention we were with MY PARENTS!!!?!?!?????
toooo funny.

Several months later I was retelling the story to my Aunt and family - we had a good laugh.
BUT.... little did I know of little ears picking up only bits and pieces of the story.
When my 10 year-old cousin was being teased by my husband later in the evening... her quick comeback was, "I'm gonna make ya say my name tonite..."
We all started giggling and I've never seen my husband get uncomfortable around a group - but it happened...
Basically my little cousin picked up on the "catch phrase" and just associated it with getting lots of laughter.... a great follow up if someone is being a "know-it-all-smarty-pants"
Right?!???
Glad I wasn't involved in the "why that's not appropriate to say" explanation.

neuroses

2008-12-10T22:40:00.004-06:00

I am not ashamed to admit it. I think it goes back to my days of singledom - buying something for my place - without a care of whether someone else will like it (keep it clean, keep it picked up, etc, etc, etc.) or not.
With that said....
I have a cute rectangular wicker basket that sits atop the toilet in the guest bathroom. In said basket are several crisp white hand towels and washcloths. All neat and tidy, tucked away.
I call them my "Don't-Touch-Towels." They are there for aesthetics. That's right - no purpose whatsoever other than to look pretty.
I also have a towel tray that holds a hand towel (der) directly next to the sink - this I expect guests to use. NOT the "Don't-Touch-Towels!"
I don't understand how these are the first grabbed at by guests after washing up.
I have even had someone use one of the "Don't-Touch-Towels" when apparently I had run out of toilet paper!!!! That's right, it was completely soaked (but rung out) and folded in half, hanging over the sink. The culprit even informed me that it was "okay" because they just went "#1"
Wha? Huh?!?!
Am I alone out here????
You better "drip dry" sister!
"Don't-Touch-Towels" are just that - "Don't-Touch-Towels!!!"
(ok. I'm done.)

Tourette's syndrome... and a feather stroke

2008-12-10T14:00:00.000-06:00

oh boy.
where to begin?
Probably by first stating that I looove my husband. He is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. I am extremely grateful to have him and am so blessed with him in my life.

And back to the title of this blog:
so... i fear that J may one day suddenly develop signs of Tourette's syndrome - not any physical tics - just the vocal ones; what most people often associate with Tourette's - the exclamation of obscene words.

"Why?" you ask.
Because she may spring up some suppressed infantile memory of her mother and the beginning weeks of breast feeding...
I could have put any sailor to shame with the language that rolled off my tongue.

I would ask friends and family... "Just when exactly should the pain go away?"
Every answer was different but the longest period of time I got was - four weeks.
So, I waited... and those four weeks crept by. And then six weeks... and still the pain... or as I like to refer to it as the perfect torture.

More specifically... I would tell people that learning to breastfeeding would be the perfect wartime torture. (I suspect the government may already be using this tactic... if not, they should be, it would make a captive reveal any secret.)

Imagine having your arms tied at your sides and being blindfold. You have no shirt on and you are sitting in a chair. A large starved rat is then placed at your nipple. This rat gnaws and nibbles while you are in inconsolable pain. Tears are streaming down your face and sweat beads are rolling down your brow. And no curse word in the world - ones you've heard or ones you are cleverly making up - will do the trick to make those tiny little teeth subside their "eating" of your flesh! Now that you are about to pass out and just may have done so, the rat is removed... but then placed on your other nipple! After about 20-30 minutes of enduring this torture you are untied, allowed to go back to a normal breathing rhythm and life resumes as you know it - just long enough to let your tender, cracked, red, possibly bleeding nipples heal.... And then they find you and you do it all over again.

But in real life, the torture continues... every 2 hours to be exact. For weeks.

My sister was a godsend during this learning experience. She was quite the master of diversions - a mug of ice cold water with a straw, gently soothing my "birds nest" hair and softly hushing "shhh's" in my ear; telling me to breathe. The best thing was the feather stroke. This is a light touch done with the fingertips... skimming up and down my arms, neck, shoulders and back. It will give you goosebumps and a slight chill - which is heaven when you feel your body temperature rising to a degree of pain that you are certain could make your head pop right off.

Once my sister and her family returned to their home, my loving husband adoringly took her place and continued to console me during these times of "torture." However, B had no where near "mastered" the feather stroke. My husband was deathly afraid of me during this phase - from the corner of my eye I could see his face... white, shocked, scared (his jaw slightly dropped and eyes open wide.) I'm sure he thought he was witnessing an exorcism.

It would be time to feed the baby again... and B would mimic what he saw my sister repeatedly do - yet slightly different. His very large , very heavy, very hot hands would touch every square inch of my arms, neck, shoulders, etc. His fingers curled like a cat about to pounce. And I would close my eyes, attempt to drink that cold water (while still making sailors blush with my foul mouth) and I would violently thrust my shoulder back at him in attack.
"FEATHER STROKE!" I would whine.
"THAT'S WHAT I'M DOING," he would protest.
"No. No. No. NO. You are using all your body weight. It's supposed to be light. LIKE A FEATHER! And you're not supposed to touch every square inch of skin!"
Very confused he asks, "Can't I just use a feather then?!?!"

... huh? wa? huh?!?! what?!?!?
I wanted to scream, "YES HONEY! YES! USE A FEATHER! GO ON OUT AND FIND A FEATHER AND THEN COME BACK AND USE IT! SURE! THAT WILL BE MUUUUCH EASIER."

lol. Poor, poor man.
He was so patient.

sigh.

Praise God that after about nine, maybe ten weeks, the feedings got easier and easier (pain free!) and my language cleaned up.

Now I pray Jeorgia was toooooo consumed with all that warm milk to have payed any attention to mommy's potty mouth... it certainly didn't prevent her from stuffing her face.

A quote from one of my favorite movies:
"A Christmas Story"
Ralphie: In the heat of battle my father wove a tapestry of obscenities that as far as we know is still hanging in space over Lake Michigan.

Daddy dresses baby...

2008-11-18T22:33:00.006-06:00

O i absolutely loooove this.
It is too cute.
I work on Saturdays. This day is also known as "Daddy & Jeorgia" day at our house.
Upon my return from work one Saturday, I was absolutely delighted to see the interesting ensemble daddy chose for his baby girl.

1 Cherry pink "Rolling Stones" onsie. Check.
1 White pajama pants with pink and yellow stripes. Check.
1 pair of Pink leopard spotted socks. Check.
Several pictures to provide entertainment in the years to come. Check.

1 daddy that loves spending time with his baby. Check.
1 mommy that adores that. Check.

(and yes, we took her out in public) :)

Stank

2008-11-18T21:43:00.006-06:00

Watching an episode of "The Office" tonight reminded me of a funny story:

One night, surrounded by our dogs, Blake was busy studying and I was just relaxing and reading. I had remembered a stupid (but amusing) joke I had heard at work and decided to give it a try on B.

Without looking up from my book, I squinted up my face and said, "Whew. It smells like updog in here."

He looked over at me, confused, but just dismissed my comment and said nothing in response.

About 10 minutes later I let out a little whiff and casually muttered while glancing over the dogs, (and still not making eye contact) "Hmm. It really smells like updog."

He stops studying and squints... (I am trying my best to be uninterested and continue to not look at him) he looks a me, eyes big, brow furrowed, mouth formed to utter, "Huh?"

But I ignore... and pretend to be absolutely indulged in my reading.
This works. He goes back to studying after surveying the room... still unsure as to what I am talking about.

Finally about five more minutes go by and I can no longer hold my "disgust" in and ask him, "Do you smell that?" Adding, "It really smells like updog in here."

His reply....
"What's up dog?"
I smile and say, "Not much. What's up with you?"

We both burst out laughing.

i'll pick this one...

2008-11-06T21:42:00.005-06:00

i am shamelessly obsessed with j's boogers. I can't stand them. And when I see one I HAVE to get it. It is to the point where I will use a bobby pin (i know, i KNOW) to get it if necessary.
so, tonight, while feeding j, I am able to get this sucker without any tools and she is so consumed with eating that she doesn't make a big fuss that I decide to be a jokester.
I tightly pinch that boogie between my index finger and thumb and make a weird squinty face to the hubby and say, "Hmmmm.... weird. What is that?"
He then retrieves the "mystery" item tightly squeezed between my fingers and....
is squinting....
studies it...
and then a look of clarity consumes his face and then...
disgust.
(All the while I have a big smile on my face.)
"Jaaaaaaaaack!" he whines. "That's nasty."
It was very amusing.
And that folks, is how i get my kicks these days...

wrong on so many levels...

2008-10-23T18:42:00.002-05:00

but just too weird to pass up.
slash that... too creepy...

thoughts?

http://www.tamponcrafts.com/

giddyup!

2008-10-22T21:56:00.005-05:00

So, i woke up tuesday at 1 am not feeling too grand, just kinda achy and tummy hurting but managed to get back to sleep...until about 3:30 and i'm trying to quietly throw up while the hubby is sleeping, but after about 30 minutes I was unsuccessful and he gets up to check on me.
I settle back in bed (after brushing my teeth) and I am peaceful until 5:30 when I am offering the trash can everything i've had to eat for all my 29 years of life.
Hubby then leaves to walmart to get supplies (crackers, soup and gatorade) when the "sickness" hits him while at the store and he is rushing to get home.
So now we are both sick. Ugh.
We manage to get some more sleep after some strategic planning with jeorgia. I swear, the first time she ever slept through the night around 8 weeks old, I told her we were going to buy her a pony. And after the sweet little angel she was yesterday.... she's getting ANOTHER one. A boy and a girl. And they can have all the little ponies she wants. We'll have a pony farm...
She was pretty quiet in the morning, but nothing too out-of-sorts, just playing with her toys and then back down for a nap. But by late morning she was really sluggish and just would fall asleep off and on with me holding her.
And then the puke-fest began. That was the saddest sight... poor little j... seriously doing some damage to her jammies, mommy's clothes, towels, burp cloths & blankies (thank goodness they were covering the couch - planned out in advance.) She just sat there, not a sound. I felt so horrible for her.
The day was left with call-in's to work, several bouts of running to the bathroom, glasses of gatorade, medication, soup, crackers, naps, thermometers, moans of pain... and a 20 week old baby that smiled through it all.
I looooooove this kid.

bullseye!

2008-10-07T22:11:00.002-05:00

So Target is now on the axis of evil.
I love the store... for things that you know you love and won't ever have to return.
BUT for the things you DO have to return... it totally blows.

We were given some baby gifts either in duplicates, wrong size, etc. and decided to take them back to Target. HOWEVER, if you do not have a receipt, or your receipt expires (ps. how is this possible?!?! Someone paid for it and you have the receipt, so HOW is it expired?!?! YOU HAVE THE RECEIPT!!!!) After 30 minutes (not including wait time) of trying to get something negotiated with customer service, my husband swore that if they weren't going to help us out he was getting his picket sign ready.

"RETURNS! GOOD LUCK! THEY DON'T GIVE A..."

Hopefully we'll never have another returned item to Target... otherwise, I'll need bail money.

"discovery of the pink panties" game

2008-09-25T23:56:00.007-05:00

Harold (hubby's best friend) gave Blake a HUGE pair of pink panties as a "cheer up" gift when his original proposal plan collapsed... now these things are very grande and there's no pretty-ing them up. And since they have never gotten use, we have made a game out of the exchange of these big momma undies...
here is their adventure...

B tossed them in my suitcase when we were unpacking from house sitting... i noticed them in the pile of the rest of my undergarments and said, "Uuuugh, please do not put those with my stuff!"

i decided i would get him back by carefully tucking them into a pair of his boxer briefs, rolling them up and placing them neatly back in his drawer - that way when he grabbed clean undies, they would secretly be waiting... and i was hoping he might accidentally slip them on... no luck, he found them early the next morning while dressing for work - making him laugh though.

later that morning, i was having a stressful day. B text me, saying that i should just go relax and have some Coco-Dynos (knock off Coco Pebbles). I thought that was weird for him to be so specific about a breakfast suggestion.. and then thought, "Ew. did he put those panties in the cereal box???" I was afraid to go look, and got busy with something else... and hours later finally had time for breakfast. when i went to get the milk, THERE were those pink panties... stretched out over the gallon of milk. (well played my friend)

a couple of nights later i waited until B was asleep in bed and i took those pink undies and covered his steering wheel with them along with a sticky note reading "drive carefully"

a couple of days went by and i kept expecting to find those big mommas. i had kinda forgot about them when i was changing the babies diaper and went to grab for the wipes... when i pull from the warming dispenser those GRANDE underwear. they were wet and seemed to have doubled in size... i got a good laugh.

i waited to return those babies - again, waiting until he was asleep. i went out to the truck and stuffed them just under the lid covering the gas cap... which is great because it is the kind you have to unlock to get to the gas cap. eagerly waiting for him to have to get gas in public, envisioning him pulling those things out in a crowd of people. no luck. seems there aren't too many purchases made at 5:45 in the morning. but he did smile.

...few days go by and i hear baby girl getting fussy in her crib, where just a few moments ago she was perfectly fine... i peek at her door to see B darting from her room. weird. i go in to check on her and this is what i see:

poor, poor, innocent soul... subjected to those big pink panties

Do NOT Brake for crazy

2008-09-21T23:34:00.004-05:00

i left the house tonight after 10 to avoid having to make some stops with the baby tomorrow...

after leaving the gas station, i saw a woman dressed casually, hair up in a pony tail, huge northface backpack stretching from the top of her shoulders to pass her rear end and pulling two suitcases on wheels.

i drove past and then immediately felt bad, because i wanted to stop and see if she needed a ride, some where i could take her maybe? She looked like she had just packed up her whole life and had no transportation but was determined to keep going. i thought that if someone was going to harass her - she didn't look well defended, especially lugging all those bags around. and it was late...

i called the hubby...
"Should i stop?"
"NO! That's not safe for you. Sorry to say that. But its sad when the world is like it is and you have to second guess helping someone.... But, you could stop to see if there is someone that you could call for her..."

i thought that sounded safe and if she was still on the road when i returned from another stop, i would check on her.

well she was there. i decided in order to NOT scare her i would turn the interior lights of the car on so she could see that i was alone and not meaning any harm...

let me go ahead and mention my "prep-work" before i actually stopped:

1) said a prayer. asking God to protect me and that at any point i felt strange or like something just isn't "right" that i would leave. (better safe than sorry)

2) remove pepper spray from purse. either to use or to give. i thought if she didn't have anyone to call i would at least leave her with a way to defend herself in the event that something happen to her.

... so i pull ahead of where she is so she can see me, i have the window down and I ask, "Is there someone that I could call for you? Are you okay?"

her reply: "DOES IT LOOK LIKE I NEED TO CALL SOMEONE?!!!!!"

me: "uh... i'm sorry, i thought you may be stranded and need some help."

her: "WHO SENT YOU?!!!!"

me: "no one sent me. i was just driving by and thought i could help if you needed it but..."

her: "I DON'T NEED ANY HELP, THANKS! GET THE $%&# AWAY FROM ME"

me: roll up window. drive away. (with an open mouth and a awkward laugh - in shock)

good grief.

so now i'm home.

and thinking...

maybe those bags were packed full with dead bodies...

nah

like a... what the @&#$ ?!? (sorry mom)

2008-09-20T22:36:00.005-05:00

woah. (that was a joey lawrence "woah" by the way)

last night the hubby and i were watching the top 20 songs of the 80's on vh1.
classic.
it brought back a lot of memories, (because what? i was a whopping age of 10 in '89) as i totally had the permed hair*, wore jelly shoes, legwarmers, a jean jacket and loved to sing in the car - rockin' out with my sister. (*future blog posting)

When no. 8 was announced I immediately began to laugh out loud at the sheer and utter humiliation my poor mother must have felt.

Yes, when this song was released on November 12, 1984, I would've been a ripe age of 5, and Laura, the poor little mockingbird, was 2 years, 9 months, and 11 days old.

Now, I'm sure we didn't learn those lyrics immediately.
But it was soon enough.
And sing it? O yes, we did.
Out in public.

I never did understand why my mom was so adamant about us NOT singing that song...

She would give me the big eyes and say, "Jacie, DO NOT SING THAT SONG!"
"Why?" I would whine.
"Just because..." she would add with a roll of her eyes and her lips exhaling a slight sigh.

Yeah, how exactly would she explain that one to us?

Poor mom, two small children innocently singing, "like a virgin... touched for the very first time... like a viiiiir-ir-ir-ir-gin..."

Sorry, and i love you mom.

I can only imagine what public humiliation jeorgia will have me endure.

p.s what is up with a lion in this video?!!? my favorite part can be found at -1:27

VH1's 100 Greatest 80's Songs #20-1
1. Bon Jovi / "Livin' on a Prayer"
2. Def Leppard / "Pour Some Sugar On Me"
3. Duran Duran / "Hungry Like the Wolf"
4. Michael Jackson / "Billie Jean"
5. Prince / "When Doves Cry"
6. Hall & Oates / "I Can't Go For That (No Can Do)"
7. Guns N' Roses / "Sweet Child O' Mine"
8. Madonna / "Like a Virgin"
9. Run-D.M.C. / "Walk This Way"
10. AC/DC / "You Shook Me All Night Long"
11. Journey / "Don't Stop Believin'"
12. Whitney Houston / "How Will I Know"
13. U2 / "With Or Without You"
14. The Bangles / "Walk Like an Egyptian"
15. Van Halen / "Jump"
16. INXS / "Need You Tonight"
17. Whitesnake / "Here I Go Again"
18. Dexy's Midnight Runners / "Come On Eileen"
19. Cyndi Lauper / "Time after Time"
20. Rick Springfield / "Jessie's Girl"

o yes i did...

2008-09-17T13:35:00.000-05:00

well here i am.

funny when i think about it.

a year or so ago, i remembered thinking, "Blog??? huh? Who the crap cares what someone else is doing. are they just writing out their daily schedule??? is this even interesting? how boring..."

how quickly i eat my words - i have found some very laugh out loud moments reading posts of long lost friends and catching up on their lives.

and now... a new mommy, i find myself full of funny little stories and doing all kinds of things i never thought possible.

take for example:

i hold myself in the highest regards when it comes to using public toilets. I don't necessarily have a phobia.. i just have a high standard... and i refuse to let my brain get too far engrossed into thinking about the large majority of people who use these public toilets and then just out right DO NOT participate in the ever-so-necessary "washing of the hands"... so...

i usually have a very "do-able" ritual down (...a 20 step program that i'm thinking of copyrighting) - but only in the event that a "private" toilet is unavailable (and by "private" there are 2 places that i don't feel my methods of madness have to be performed. 1. my own home - obviously, and 2. my sisters house - this woman has become a clean freak AFTER her children were born. and no, even my own mothers home does not make the list. sorry mom. But this is due to the fact that my little brother* is still living at home. *17 year old boy)

MY 20 step program
(only being explained because I think most men truly don't understand...)

1. pick out the stall closest to the entry/exit door. I read somewhere that this stall is often overlooked and used the least. However I think my added reason for using it is because its the closest to "getting the hell out of dodge" stall.
2. use elbow to push door open.
3. try not to let your clothes, purse, person, etc. touch any surrounding walls - even the lock on the door.
4. proceed to pull the first outermost layer of toilet paper off the roll... (one can never be too sure) discard it immediately and directly into the toilet.
5. pull a second layer of paper off the roll and use it to latch the lock on the door. immediately discard it into the commode.
6. pull a third layer of paper off the roll and hold onto it for dear life.
7. get into the "hover" position after getting your pants and undergarments down.
8. watch your stance. careful not to let your pants and undergarments come into contact with front of the toilet.
9. relieve your bladder as quickly as possible because lets face it, you've been in here long enough already.
10. use reserve toilet paper
11. pull up your undergarments and pants
12. pull a fourth layer of paper off the roll and use it to unlatch the lock on the door. again, immediately discard into the toilet bowl.
13. kick the handle with your shoe to flush
14. carefully exit the stall - remember, NO touching anything!
15. approach the sink with paper towel to turn on the water
16. wash hands with soap
17. use another paper towel to turn off water
18. if the exit door has a handle use yet another paper towel to open the door.
19. and with your paper towel collection make a solid attempt to score "2 points" into the trash. (sometimes the trash is far from the door - then the "3 pointer" comes into effect.)
20. give dirty look to your husband when he asks if you were pooping because it took you so long.

so.... i had to use the toilet at church. the hubby happened to be working this sunday and to make my trek easier into and out of the service, i negated to bring the baby's car seat inside. So basically there was no where to set Jeorgia and no one to ask to help (and we haven't been going there long, so i doubt i would've asked someone i don't know to hold and watch my child.)

So i'll just leave you with a photo... (o yes i did...) and comment that whoever coined the phrase "A picture is worth a thousand words" was right.

....it was a huge success and I still managed to keep my high standards in contact.

I thought it too funny of an opportunity to pass up and i knew my husband would be amazed at his wife's skills... so... i've added another talent to my public toilet repertoire.

long live the queen....
throne!