o yes i did...

well here i am.

funny when i think about it.

a year or so ago, i remembered thinking, "Blog??? huh? Who the crap cares what someone else is doing. are they just writing out their daily schedule??? is this even interesting? how boring..."

how quickly i eat my words - i have found some very laugh out loud moments reading posts of long lost friends and catching up on their lives.

and now... a new mommy, i find myself full of funny little stories and doing all kinds of things i never thought possible.

take for example:

i hold myself in the highest regards when it comes to using public toilets. I don't necessarily have a phobia.. i just have a high standard... and i refuse to let my brain get too far engrossed into thinking about the large majority of people who use these public toilets and then just out right DO NOT participate in the ever-so-necessary "washing of the hands"... so...

i usually have a very "do-able" ritual down (...a 20 step program that i'm thinking of copyrighting) - but only in the event that a "private" toilet is unavailable (and by "private" there are 2 places that i don't feel my methods of madness have to be performed. 1. my own home - obviously, and 2. my sisters house - this woman has become a clean freak AFTER her children were born. and no, even my own mothers home does not make the list. sorry mom. But this is due to the fact that my little brother* is still living at home. *17 year old boy)

MY 20 step program
(only being explained because I think most men truly don't understand...)

1. pick out the stall closest to the entry/exit door. I read somewhere that this stall is often overlooked and used the least. However I think my added reason for using it is because its the closest to "getting the hell out of dodge" stall.
2. use elbow to push door open.
3. try not to let your clothes, purse, person, etc. touch any surrounding walls - even the lock on the door.
4. proceed to pull the first outermost layer of toilet paper off the roll... (one can never be too sure) discard it immediately and directly into the toilet.
5. pull a second layer of paper off the roll and use it to latch the lock on the door. immediately discard it into the commode.
6. pull a third layer of paper off the roll and hold onto it for dear life.
7. get into the "hover" position after getting your pants and undergarments down.
8. watch your stance. careful not to let your pants and undergarments come into contact with front of the toilet.
9. relieve your bladder as quickly as possible because lets face it, you've been in here long enough already.
10. use reserve toilet paper
11. pull up your undergarments and pants
12. pull a fourth layer of paper off the roll and use it to unlatch the lock on the door. again, immediately discard into the toilet bowl.
13. kick the handle with your shoe to flush
14. carefully exit the stall - remember, NO touching anything!
15. approach the sink with paper towel to turn on the water
16. wash hands with soap
17. use another paper towel to turn off water
18. if the exit door has a handle use yet another paper towel to open the door.
19. and with your paper towel collection make a solid attempt to score "2 points" into the trash. (sometimes the trash is far from the door - then the "3 pointer" comes into effect.)
20. give dirty look to your husband when he asks if you were pooping because it took you so long.

so.... i had to use the toilet at church. the hubby happened to be working this sunday and to make my trek easier into and out of the service, i negated to bring the baby's car seat inside. So basically there was no where to set Jeorgia and no one to ask to help (and we haven't been going there long, so i doubt i would've asked someone i don't know to hold and watch my child.)

So i'll just leave you with a photo... (o yes i did...) and comment that whoever coined the phrase "A picture is worth a thousand words" was right.

....it was a huge success and I still managed to keep my high standards in contact.

I thought it too funny of an opportunity to pass up and i knew my husband would be amazed at his wife's skills... so... i've added another talent to my public toilet repertoire.

long live the queen....
throne!