"discovery of the pink panties" game

Harold (hubby's best friend) gave Blake a HUGE pair of pink panties as a "cheer up" gift when his original proposal plan collapsed... now these things are very grande and there's no pretty-ing them up. And since they have never gotten use, we have made a game out of the exchange of these big momma undies...
here is their adventure...

B tossed them in my suitcase when we were unpacking from house sitting... i noticed them in the pile of the rest of my undergarments and said, "Uuuugh, please do not put those with my stuff!"

i decided i would get him back by carefully tucking them into a pair of his boxer briefs, rolling them up and placing them neatly back in his drawer - that way when he grabbed clean undies, they would secretly be waiting... and i was hoping he might accidentally slip them on... no luck, he found them early the next morning while dressing for work - making him laugh though.

later that morning, i was having a stressful day. B text me, saying that i should just go relax and have some Coco-Dynos (knock off Coco Pebbles). I thought that was weird for him to be so specific about a breakfast suggestion.. and then thought, "Ew. did he put those panties in the cereal box???" I was afraid to go look, and got busy with something else... and hours later finally had time for breakfast. when i went to get the milk, THERE were those pink panties... stretched out over the gallon of milk. (well played my friend)

a couple of nights later i waited until B was asleep in bed and i took those pink undies and covered his steering wheel with them along with a sticky note reading "drive carefully"

a couple of days went by and i kept expecting to find those big mommas. i had kinda forgot about them when i was changing the babies diaper and went to grab for the wipes... when i pull from the warming dispenser those GRANDE underwear. they were wet and seemed to have doubled in size... i got a good laugh.

i waited to return those babies - again, waiting until he was asleep. i went out to the truck and stuffed them just under the lid covering the gas cap... which is great because it is the kind you have to unlock to get to the gas cap. eagerly waiting for him to have to get gas in public, envisioning him pulling those things out in a crowd of people. no luck. seems there aren't too many purchases made at 5:45 in the morning. but he did smile.

...few days go by and i hear baby girl getting fussy in her crib, where just a few moments ago she was perfectly fine... i peek at her door to see B darting from her room. weird. i go in to check on her and this is what i see:

poor, poor, innocent soul... subjected to those big pink panties

Do NOT Brake for crazy

i left the house tonight after 10 to avoid having to make some stops with the baby tomorrow...

after leaving the gas station, i saw a woman dressed casually, hair up in a pony tail, huge northface backpack stretching from the top of her shoulders to pass her rear end and pulling two suitcases on wheels.

i drove past and then immediately felt bad, because i wanted to stop and see if she needed a ride, some where i could take her maybe? She looked like she had just packed up her whole life and had no transportation but was determined to keep going. i thought that if someone was going to harass her - she didn't look well defended, especially lugging all those bags around. and it was late...

i called the hubby...
"Should i stop?"
"NO! That's not safe for you. Sorry to say that. But its sad when the world is like it is and you have to second guess helping someone.... But, you could stop to see if there is someone that you could call for her..."

i thought that sounded safe and if she was still on the road when i returned from another stop, i would check on her.

well she was there. i decided in order to NOT scare her i would turn the interior lights of the car on so she could see that i was alone and not meaning any harm...

let me go ahead and mention my "prep-work" before i actually stopped:

1) said a prayer. asking God to protect me and that at any point i felt strange or like something just isn't "right" that i would leave. (better safe than sorry)

2) remove pepper spray from purse. either to use or to give. i thought if she didn't have anyone to call i would at least leave her with a way to defend herself in the event that something happen to her.

... so i pull ahead of where she is so she can see me, i have the window down and I ask, "Is there someone that I could call for you? Are you okay?"

her reply: "DOES IT LOOK LIKE I NEED TO CALL SOMEONE?!!!!!"

me: "uh... i'm sorry, i thought you may be stranded and need some help."

her: "WHO SENT YOU?!!!!"

me: "no one sent me. i was just driving by and thought i could help if you needed it but..."

her: "I DON'T NEED ANY HELP, THANKS! GET THE $%&# AWAY FROM ME"

me: roll up window. drive away. (with an open mouth and a awkward laugh - in shock)

good grief.

so now i'm home.

and thinking...

maybe those bags were packed full with dead bodies...

nah

like a... what the @&#$ ?!? (sorry mom)

woah. (that was a joey lawrence "woah" by the way)

last night the hubby and i were watching the top 20 songs of the 80's on vh1.
classic.
it brought back a lot of memories, (because what? i was a whopping age of 10 in '89) as i totally had the permed hair*, wore jelly shoes, legwarmers, a jean jacket and loved to sing in the car - rockin' out with my sister. (*future blog posting)

When no. 8 was announced I immediately began to laugh out loud at the sheer and utter humiliation my poor mother must have felt.

Yes, when this song was released on November 12, 1984, I would've been a ripe age of 5, and Laura, the poor little mockingbird, was 2 years, 9 months, and 11 days old.

Now, I'm sure we didn't learn those lyrics immediately.
But it was soon enough.
And sing it? O yes, we did.
Out in public.

I never did understand why my mom was so adamant about us NOT singing that song...

She would give me the big eyes and say, "Jacie, DO NOT SING THAT SONG!"
"Why?" I would whine.
"Just because..." she would add with a roll of her eyes and her lips exhaling a slight sigh.


Yeah, how exactly would she explain that one to us?


Poor mom, two small children innocently singing, "like a virgin... touched for the very first time... like a viiiiir-ir-ir-ir-gin..."

Sorry, and i love you mom.

I can only imagine what public humiliation jeorgia will have me endure.

p.s what is up with a lion in this video?!!? my favorite part can be found at -1:27



VH1's 100 Greatest 80's Songs #20-1
1. Bon Jovi / "Livin' on a Prayer"
2. Def Leppard / "Pour Some Sugar On Me"
3. Duran Duran / "Hungry Like the Wolf"
4. Michael Jackson / "Billie Jean"
5. Prince / "When Doves Cry"
6. Hall & Oates / "I Can't Go For That (No Can Do)"
7. Guns N' Roses / "Sweet Child O' Mine"
8. Madonna / "Like a Virgin"
9. Run-D.M.C. / "Walk This Way"
10. AC/DC / "You Shook Me All Night Long"
11. Journey / "Don't Stop Believin'"
12. Whitney Houston / "How Will I Know"
13. U2 / "With Or Without You"
14. The Bangles / "Walk Like an Egyptian"
15. Van Halen / "Jump"
16. INXS / "Need You Tonight"
17. Whitesnake / "Here I Go Again"
18. Dexy's Midnight Runners / "Come On Eileen"
19. Cyndi Lauper / "Time after Time"
20. Rick Springfield / "Jessie's Girl"

o yes i did...

well here i am.

funny when i think about it.

a year or so ago, i remembered thinking, "Blog??? huh? Who the crap cares what someone else is doing. are they just writing out their daily schedule??? is this even interesting? how boring..."

how quickly i eat my words - i have found some very laugh out loud moments reading posts of long lost friends and catching up on their lives.

and now... a new mommy, i find myself full of funny little stories and doing all kinds of things i never thought possible.

take for example:

i hold myself in the highest regards when it comes to using public toilets. I don't necessarily have a phobia.. i just have a high standard... and i refuse to let my brain get too far engrossed into thinking about the large majority of people who use these public toilets and then just out right DO NOT participate in the ever-so-necessary "washing of the hands"... so...

i usually have a very "do-able" ritual down (...a 20 step program that i'm thinking of copyrighting) - but only in the event that a "private" toilet is unavailable (and by "private" there are 2 places that i don't feel my methods of madness have to be performed. 1. my own home - obviously, and 2. my sisters house - this woman has become a clean freak AFTER her children were born. and no, even my own mothers home does not make the list. sorry mom. But this is due to the fact that my little brother* is still living at home. *17 year old boy)

MY 20 step program
(only being explained because I think most men truly don't understand...)

1. pick out the stall closest to the entry/exit door. I read somewhere that this stall is often overlooked and used the least. However I think my added reason for using it is because its the closest to "getting the hell out of dodge" stall.
2. use elbow to push door open.
3. try not to let your clothes, purse, person, etc. touch any surrounding walls - even the lock on the door.
4. proceed to pull the first outermost layer of toilet paper off the roll... (one can never be too sure) discard it immediately and directly into the toilet.
5. pull a second layer of paper off the roll and use it to latch the lock on the door. immediately discard it into the commode.
6. pull a third layer of paper off the roll and hold onto it for dear life.
7. get into the "hover" position after getting your pants and undergarments down.
8. watch your stance. careful not to let your pants and undergarments come into contact with front of the toilet.
9. relieve your bladder as quickly as possible because lets face it, you've been in here long enough already.
10. use reserve toilet paper
11. pull up your undergarments and pants
12. pull a fourth layer of paper off the roll and use it to unlatch the lock on the door. again, immediately discard into the toilet bowl.
13. kick the handle with your shoe to flush
14. carefully exit the stall - remember, NO touching anything!
15. approach the sink with paper towel to turn on the water
16. wash hands with soap
17. use another paper towel to turn off water
18. if the exit door has a handle use yet another paper towel to open the door.
19. and with your paper towel collection make a solid attempt to score "2 points" into the trash. (sometimes the trash is far from the door - then the "3 pointer" comes into effect.)
20. give dirty look to your husband when he asks if you were pooping because it took you so long.

so.... i had to use the toilet at church. the hubby happened to be working this sunday and to make my trek easier into and out of the service, i negated to bring the baby's car seat inside. So basically there was no where to set Jeorgia and no one to ask to help (and we haven't been going there long, so i doubt i would've asked someone i don't know to hold and watch my child.)

So i'll just leave you with a photo... (o yes i did...) and comment that whoever coined the phrase "A picture is worth a thousand words" was right.

....it was a huge success and I still managed to keep my high standards in contact.

I thought it too funny of an opportunity to pass up and i knew my husband would be amazed at his wife's skills... so... i've added another talent to my public toilet repertoire.

long live the queen....
throne!